What is the right look?

A teenage girl looks in the mirror. She hates what she sees. Her face is not the right shape, her skin is not the right colour, her breasts aren’t the right size, she’s not “thick” enough. She’s just not the right look. She’s ugly, She’s God’s mistake. Everyone looks better than her; or so she believes. She turns from the mirror, filled with self-loathing.

A teenage boy looks in the mirror. He hates what he sees. His face is too big, His jawline isn’t sharp, He’s too skinny; his muscles don’t show. He’s too short, he gets laughed at for it. He’s just not the right look. He’s ugly, He’s God’s mistake. Everyone else looks better than him; or so he believes. He turns from the mirror; hating himself.

The above scenarios can be related to by many teenagers as well as adults. These feelings are brought about by the influence of the media, and the actions of those around them. “You’ve put on weight”, “You’re too skinny”, “You’re short”, “She’s too dark”; these are common phrases that all of us are all too familiar with. They are casually said to people at social gatherings and in conversation, without taking into consideration their gravity, and the repercussions they have on the receiver of those comments.

Body shaming exists in many shapes and forms. If you take the cosmetics industry as an example; The sheer multitude of fairness creams that are marketed with the claim of making a person “Fair and beautiful” is disheartening. These products send a clear message; “Dark is unattractive. Fairness is beauty. If you are not born fair you need to change.” As a result, a multitude of young men and women flock to the use of these products, with little to no regard about their side effects.

There is also the habit of commenting on a person’s weight either calling them too fat, or too thin. While it is true that diseases like obesity do exist and can lead to issues such as heart disease and body positivity cannot be used as justification; It does help to be sympathetic towards such a person. Weight gain is not something always caused by a liking to eat too much. Most of the time we are oblivious to what someone is dealing with. Depression, Hormonal problems, eating disorders and many other problems can be associated with weight gain, similarly these can also be associated with people being thin. Making someone feel ugly about this only adds to their insecurity and can lead to a worsening of their problems. More positive methods can be used to help such individuals. However, the idea that only a slim, curvy body for women, and a tall, muscular build for men is attractive is incorrect and detrimental and should be stopped.

There are many other examples of body shaming. Many girls are teased for the fact that their sexual features are not as prominent. They are made fun of, simply because their breasts or their other features aren’t the right size or the right shape. Such an ideology is perverted and objectifies the woman. Similarly, men are made fun of for being too skinny or for not being “built” enough. Such thinking needs to be challenged, those who engage in such thinking should be made to understand its gravity and the effects it has on the person. Other forms include body shaming based on height, face shape, disability and more; all resulting in negative feelings on the receiver.

When a person is shamed for their body and made to feel as if they are not the right shape or right size, a chain reaction of negative repercussions is caused. The individual becomes more concerned about the way they look, they would start comparing themselves with others; often negatively. Feelings of insecurity start to build up within them, this leads to a low level of self-confidence, affecting the individual’s social life, and ability to make friends. The individual starts hating themselves. This can lead to eating disorders, depressive disorders and other psychological issues. In extreme cases; leading to feelings of suicide. All triggered by a comment by someone who did not understand the seriousness of what they chose to say.

"It makes me feel insecure, makes me feel sad, and makes me doubt myself."

No person is perfect, each one of  us is unique in our own way. The whole idea of beauty and perfection is in itself very subjective, as is evident by the various standards of beauty around the world. There is no fixed definition as to what is attractive and what is not, and there should not be. For a person to change their physical features can be difficult, or in most cases; impossible. However, being conscious about the affect that the things you say can have on an individual only takes a little thought. What may be simply a joke to you, may be the reason behind someone's self loathing. If you encounter someone being bullied for the way they look, speak against it, or at least console the victim. By being compassionate, open minded, and thoughtful; you can make a difference in someone’s view of themselves, help them build up their self-confidence, and have a more positive outlook on themselves.

"It's terrible when people joke about how skinny I am, I just laugh it off, It hurts, but I'm used to it." 

Do your part in breaking the culture of body shaming and in breaking the standards of attractiveness that society enforces on people. After all, it is the inevitable truth that looks do not last forever.